Big Announcement – New Job, New Country (A New Career In A New Town) April 1, 2017
Posted by Richard Foote inRichard’s Blog, Richard’s Musings .
After 5 1/2 years at Oracle Corporation, I’ve decided to leave and take on a very exciting new challenge !!
President Trump’s office have accepted my nomination to head their IT department in Washington DC, where I’ll be responsible for ensuring all USA government data is stored in a extremely efficient and secure manner. So secure, that hopefully all those other US agencies (FBI, CIA, New York Times, etc.) that are trying to get access to it won’t be able to ��
Russia also expressed an interest in my services, but the beauty with this opportunity is that I’ll be able to work for both countries at the same time (obviously in a discreet, unofficial basis if you know what I mean).
I’ll be in charge of all IT related matters with regard the new USA presidential administration, ensuring all White House related data is stored appropriately and securely (e.g. Fake News, Real News, Real Fake News, Fake Fake News, Fake News That Seems Fake But Is Really True, Real News Which Must Surely Be Fake But Is Remarkably True But Is To Be Marked Fake Regardless, Russian News Which Is Obviously True But Is Fake – Honest, etc. etc.). The tricky bit of course will be keeping all the inside leaks secret and working out what news belongs in what category. Unless it’s fake but sounds better if it were true (or fake), in which case it’s unclassified and to be replicated in the Fox News website.
Love to say I’ll miss Australia but to be honest, I’m getting a little worried about health services here as I unfortunately get older. That’s why I want to move to the USA, where they have a great universal health insurance system and I know if ever my luck is down and I can’t afford health insurance, I’ll still be well looked after.
For obvious reasons, I will have to live in Washington DC to perform my new role. Well I don’t actually have to be in Washington, I have Russian friends who say it’s dead easy to login into the USA Government systems from wherever. But if all the travel bans ever get implemented, I might not then be able to get into the US so it’s best I get in while I still can. I’m not Muslim which helps no end, but once the fake news gets out that I am Muslim with Mexican parents, well you see the problem here don’t you.
Only regret I do have in my new role will be having to stand occasionally behind President Trump and be photographed while he signs a presidential executive order. What can I say, the money is good and if the planet gets a little warmer, well won’t that mean more temperate winters and fewer mosquitos which has got to be a good thing right ?
Of course, one of my big responsibilities as head of IT in Washington is “modernizing” the computing infrastructure. That said, there does seem to be a culture of perhaps going back and doing things as they did in the past, so I’m kinda hoping my plan to implement Real Application Clusters using a bunch of re-processed Sinclair ZX81s will both work and fit in with my coal loving colleagues in the administration.
Love golf, I really do and to be perfectly honest this is my main motivation for taking on this job. My hours are basically to work for just a couple of mornings each week and spend the rest of the time playing golf and watching all that fantastic American TV. We’re under strict orders to only watch Fox News of course, but there are some really cool Russian dramas and reality TV shows where’re allowed to watch as well.
So exciting times ahead, looking forward to it all. Assuming of course the world doesn’t end first.